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Women had the underhand during negotiations, until now
The Advocate
“You can get further with nice words and a gun, than with a gun alone,” were the words of gangster Al Capone.
Sam Imperati, professional mediator from the Institutes for Conflict Management, spoke about effective negotiation styles at the Tuesday Women’s Herstory presentation “Women taking the lead . . . in salary negotiation.”
Imperati said that what he does for a living is sit in rooms with people who want to shoot each other just to see if the gun works —and tries to get them to reach a negotiation.
Imperati and the second guest speaker, CPA Deborah Bond, are members of the American Associate of University Women (AAUW) Gresham Branch.
The AAUW, according to their value promise, is a group that belongs to its community to break through educational and economic barriers so that all women have a fair chance.
Imperati said that in negotiations, women generally do not ask for as much in the beginning as men do.
He said during negotiations, the two parties polarize and are still surprised when the other party comes back with an equally extreme position.
The act of negotiating is a dance of presenting arguments in order of increased absurdity, Imperati added. “I am not justifying it, just explaining it,” he said. “I am not condoning it, but this is the dance.”
During a negotiation session, if the employer presents one argument and then the employee says “but,” that is the first sign of being defensive.
“ ‘But’ is actually an acronym for ‘behold ultimate truth,’” Imperati said. “As soon as you get defensive, (that is when) you lose.”
To showcase how negotiations work, the audience participated in a role-playing game where the goal was to get their partner to cross over to their side of an imaginary line on the carpet in order to win the game. The participants could use any form of negotiation to convince the other person to cross to their side on the line.
After 30 seconds, the group reconvened and no one had successful convinced the other person to cross the line.
One person said she told her partner that only sick people stood on that side of the line, and that didn’t work. Another person said she told her partner that she had chocolate with her on that side of the line, which didn’t work either. To which Imperati said, why didn’t any group just switch sides, so both parties could win?
“Why does it imply that for one person to win, the other person must lose?” he said. “That is the general mind set in negotiations.”
The slides, which were printed for audience members to take home, provided a negotiator’s game plan that had points for improving salary negotiations.
Some major points were to tie proposals to legitimate objective standards and discuss the rationale or formula in order to reach negotiations, use a communication style that conveys a willingness to explore verses debate, be assertive about the need to collaborate, and to keep in mind that it’s not about the other guy; go in and negotiate yourself.
“Most sophisticated negotiators ask open-ended questions and do not make declaratory statements,” Imperati said. “Explore negotiations, do not debate salary.”
The next and final Women’s Herstory event is scheduled for Wednesday from noon to 1 p.m. in the Town and Gown Room and is focused on “Women taking the lead . . . by writing for their lives.”
It is a literary reading and discussion featuring two Portland authors, Monica Drake and Cheryl Strayed. The two authors wrote about trying to balance work, family and creativity.
For more information about the event or past Women’s Herstory events, visit the MHCC website at www.mhcc.edu.