Why should we bother to save the planet?

By Jill Aho

Why save the planet? Human beings have not held their reign of terror over Earth nearly as long as dinosaurs did, and look at all the good that came from their destruction.

Deposits of those lovely fossil fuels could not have been created without the natural cycle of life and death. In fact, evolution suggests that people would not have come into being if it hadn’t been for the cataclysmic event that emptied the Earth of her previous rulers.

Perhaps the aftermath of human ruling will prove to be the step needed for a more fit, intelligent and caring creature to take over. If our destiny is to become extinct before the Earth has lived another billion years, why not help it along by destroying the only home we know. Here are some tips on how to accelerate the death of our planet.

1. Buy an SUV, refuse to walk anywhere and never carpool. If you and all of your friends own a gas guzzling smog machine, you can tear through natural areas and destroy our animal friends’ homes. This will prevent them from breeding, which in turn will increase the likelihood of them becoming endangered.

Not to mention the smoke spewing from your tailpipes will enhance the quality of the Earth’s atmosphere by increasing the amount of toxins in the air. You will also be able to contribute to global warming on a grander scale.

2. Encourage logging in the rainforest. By investing in a company who wants to develop rainforest lands, you will be contributing the dwindling numbers of species in the world, many of which live only in the tropical rainforests of South America.Those pesky creatures have no right to be so specialized in where they can live. People need to harvest that land in order to prevent it from combating the effects of global warming.

3. Leave your lights and television on, even when you’re asleep. The power grid fluctuates, and you probably don’t even notice. A rolling blackout like the ones in California can happen here if everyone were to use appliances they didn’t need at all hours of all days, especially when the grid is busy. This way you can ensure that natural energy remains our enemy because it will never be able to keep up.

4. Throw everything away. Why recycle? The garbage people are paid to dig through kitty litter and rotten food to find the paper and plastic anyway, aren’t they? You will be providing jobs for those poor people, and saving yourself the work of separating the trash. Once you’ve consumed something, everything left over is garbage, right?

5. Use the strongest chemicals you can buy for your home and yard. Poisons are available on the market, why not buy them? Weeds that invade your yard deserve to be destroyed by any means necessary, even if no one can go in the grass for two years without running the risk of being sterile afterward. The chemicals from your home and lawn will enter the water supply, either to be evaporated and return to Earth as acid rain or will come back to your home in the form of drinking water.

There are lots of things people do everyday to kill Earth. Many of them are out of neglect, but by following these tips, you can be one of those who is purposely seeking to destroy the planet and everything on it.

This effort will bring about the next stage in our evolution much faster: extinction.