Well, the worst is over. I’m out of contention for a seat on the Supreme Court. Now I feel I can be a bit more candid about my beliefs.

First, let’s face facts on my qualifications. I never really had any. In all reality someone walking away from Mt. Hood Community College with an AA would have been more qualified for the post than me.

During the course of my life, my under-qualifications have always seemed to be a problem. Even as a young woman growing up in Texas, I floated around from degree to degree without any real focus. And like most people who lack focus (and there are a lot of us in Texas), I decided to join the Nazi Party. I didn’t have anything else going for me, but if I hadn’t joined the Nazis, I wouldn’t have learned the skills that made me invaluable to the Bush administration.

For one, I learned how to take and follow orders, loyally. No questions asked.

Secondly, I learned to cultivate an almost brainwashed admiration for my leaders. I took the German people’s religious devotion to Hitler as a good example for my love of President Bush. How else could I say with all sincerity that Bush is the smartest man I’ve ever met? HAIL BUSH!

Third, I learned the ideology of the far right. I learned that my Anglo-Saxon views on religion have more validity than other religions. I learned that homosexuals should have limited rights. I learned that when blacks want affirmative action, they’re just being uppity. I learned that belligerent warfare works best as a first option. I learned that welfare is a waste of money. I learned that the only way to be safe in America is by instituting a police state. I learned that a massive system of secret internment prisons where torture is permissible can work in America. HAIL THE FOURTH REICH!

Of course, like all the other conservative justices on the Supreme Court, my rulings would advocate all the points listed on the agenda above.

So what did I learn from my nomination experience? I learned a lot, actually. At first I thought it would be wise to hide my Nazi beliefs, and pretend I held a middle ground. I thought this would be the best way to get through the Senate hearings without a hitch.
Unfortunately, I learned this proved to be more controversial than if I had disclosed my true views. I learned that nobody will stand by you if you choose a moderate course. Liberals weren’t convinced and conservatives abandoned me.

In hindsight, I probably would have had a better chance making the court if I had come out right away with my Nazi status. Then the right-wingers and conservatives would have rallied around me and given me support.

Sure I would have lost Liberal support, but at least I would have held the right, and that’s all that matters these days.

Oh well, so much for playing it safe.

But not anymore. Now I feel I should be more open with my beliefs.

It’s a good time for us Nazis. Middle-easterns are being imprisoned and tortured around the world by the administration; racial profiles are perfectly acceptable tools for law enforcement; hate crimes are on the rise; and Rosa Parks is dead. Ol’ Adolph would be proud.